Monday was our home visit. We passed – whew! Not that I didn’t think we would, but it’s still a relief to have that part done.

Our social worker is incredibly laid back. The “inspection” of our home consisted of her going room to room and just glancing around. The “interview” was more of a discussion than anything else. Thankfully the whole thing was very low-stress. We probably went way overboard with our preparations but that’s okay – we got a lot of stuff done that we’ve been procrastinating for a looooong time. Let me tell you, our bathroom linen closet has never been more organized and I love it!

She was here for 4-hours and we spent the majority of that time talking. We talked about our upbringing, our marriage, and our hopes for our future family. She listened to what we had to say and offered some of her own insights. She clearly had studied our autobiographies and she really seemed to “get” us. It was a great discussion.

The only moment I felt on the spot was when she asked, “How would you handle it if your child threw a tantrum?” Egads! What a question! Being a visual person I could immediately picture the scene: I’m in the store with a full cart of groceries. I’ve got two kids in tow. The boy wants cookies but I already told him no (what a mean mommy!). He starts to throw a fit and I calmly ask him to stop. But of course he doesn’t stop, he just gets louder. And louder. AND LOUDER. Everyone else in the store is glaring at me and waiting for me to do something about my screaming child.

Yikes! It was stressful just thinking about it. Have you ever seen that European commercial where the kid throws a tantrum in the grocery store? That’s exactly what I was imagining. (If you haven’t seen it, click here. It’s hilarious and horrifying all at the same time.)

So how did I answer? Stay calm. Be consistent. Follow-through. Don’t give in. If I say, “if you don’t quiet down we’ll leave the store” I need to be ready and willing to abandon my full cart of groceries and leave. Let him work through his frustration and just scream it out if he needs to (in the car or at home of course, not in the store!). Don’t bother trying to force him to stop or talk it through until he’s calm. When he’s calm, then have a discussion about it. Validate his feelings of frustration. Explain why his behavior was inappropriate. Talk about alternatives for expressing frustration. Set clear expectations for next time. And did I mention that I need to stay calm through this entire thing? Yeah, that’s by far the most important part.

Pretty good for a pre-mom, huh? (I’ve watched a lot of Dr. Phil in my day.) She seemed to think it was a good answer. But here’s the thing – it sounds good when you say it, but how does it work in real life? Especially the “stay calm” part?

Well it looks like I’ll find out soon enough. She said she needs to write up our home study report and have it reviewed by a couple of other people at the agency and then we’ll be approved to adopt. She told us we’ll probably be approved by the end of the month. At that point we can express interest in kids we’ve seen while surfing the adoption photo listings online and the agency will also start searching for potential matches. Things are cookin’ now!

And in case you’re wondering, yes she noticed the bows on the dogs.

This entry also posted with the Seattle PI. Copyright © 2008 Susan Metters. All rights reserved.
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In addition to being a writer and aspiring mom, Susan Metters also carries the distinguished title of Cancer Survivor Extraordinaire. Some of her secret ambitions include meeting Dr. Phil, hosting Saturday Night Live, and rising to the top as a rock star. You can read more about Susan’s life adventures by visiting her blog with the Seattle P.I., Lemon Margaritas. If you have ideas, questions, rants, or ramblings feel free to email Susan at susan [at] seattlemomblogs [dot] com.