It’s Tuesday night and I find myself getting ready to drive over to Babeland for an event called “Sexy Mamas,” which promises to teach us the secrets of “having it all” (sex, sanity and sleep).  There’ll be a panel of experts who will school us in the secrets of rekindling desire, embracing our mom bodies, and creating time for ourselves. 

And, since it’s hosted at what can only be called a vendor of sex toys, there’s a whole host of interesting shopping possibilities.  Not to mention the free cupcakes, wine, cheese, and massages.

The question is, what do you WEAR to an event like this?  Leather pants?  See-through shirt?  Spiked collar?  Fish-nets and a miniskirt?

I settle on a black shirt and jeans and some sexy sandals.  I plaster on some extra eye shadow, because somehow it just seems right.

Meanwhile Jay is hovering anxiously nearby.  “Are you late?  Shouldn’t you be leaving?  It’s 6:30 already!  You don’t want to be late!”

Hmm, he’s unusually supportive of my night out.

I arrive at the event right on time (thanks, Jay!), grab a glass of wine, and am relieved to find that my fellow bloggers Stacey and Janna are already here.  I am even more relieved as I look around the room and discover that it is packed with a whole lot of normal-looking (if slightly frazzled) women. There isn’t a leather bodice or nipple ring in sight.

I get right to work rekindling my desire for cupcakes and soft cheese (I even embrace my mom body a couple times as I squeeze myself into a metal chair).

The tantra teacher isn’t making it, we learn, due to a sprained ankle or elbow.

Wonder how THAT happened?!

The speakers include a psychologist and a writer. I like them both, but am particularly fond of the psychologist. Truth be told, I’m tempted to pack her in my purse and bring her home. I think she could do wonders for my psyche and relationships.

(What’s the point of a massive purse if you can’t keep your own personal shrink inside it, am I right?)

There’s a whole lot of frank discussion and sharing.  What becomes clear to me almost immediately is that there are a lot of moms out there who are trying to figure out how to be a mom and have a sex life.

We’re so tired.

We have resentment issues.

We’re so busy.

Our bodies feel foreign, and let’s be honest, we’re not proud of how they look.

And, did I mention, we’re so TIRED?!

Sex falls off the radar and we get out of the habit.  It just feels like so much work.  And before we know it we’re sleeping at opposite sides of the bed, barely speaking, and wondering how we ever got here.

Sound familiar?  If not, you are VERY LUCKY, and I’ll be insisting that you do the NEXT post on sex in which you share all your secrets.

The good news is that there’s hope. We can have a good sex life and be a mom.  The trick is to make sex a priority.  There’s a lot of ways to do this, but some ideas include:

1. Schedule it.  Don’t wait for it to happen spontaneously… because the fact is that there is no spontaneity once you become a mother.  Well, unless it’s spontaneous vomiting.  Or weeping.  But the good kind is elbowed out what with all the busyness.
2. Talk about it.  What can each of you do to add some pizazz into your sex life?  Maybe it’s a new toy.  Maybe it’s a new position.  Maybe it’s getting a hotel room for the night. Maybe it’s going to a sex panel at Babeland or reading Janna’s “Moms like sex too” column. Figure out what you can do to add back some spark, and then DO IT. (which leads me right into #3)
3. Just do it.  Seriously, even when you don’t feel like it.  Even when you’re really tired.  Sex is something you have to do in order to enjoy.  And one you start doing it, then you’ll start feeling like doing it.

And so, after much conversation, thought, and laughter, I head home with my bag of goodies and a whole lot of ideas.

Maybe this doesn’t have to be so hard after all.

Here’s hoping…

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Catch more of Jenny Blackburn’s humorous anecdotes on being a mom, a woman, and a whole lot crazy at Absolutely Bananas.