Tea Leaf Journals

It’s, like, babysitting for, like, forever

So how about that teen pregnancy pact huh? 

Can I just say Holy Effin’ Crap. What happened to a few drops of blood in a bowl or a traveling pair of pants?!

My husband and I totally expect to come up against some weird American “culture things” raising our girls here but a pregnancy pact is definitely waaaay over our heads. Okay, they’re six and almost-four but we can still talk about this. I like to be prepared.

Now Raeven is a very social person who loves to make new friends at parks and will often ask if she can follow her new friends and their families to wherever they’re going. Of course, the answer is often “no” followed by a lengthy explanation as to why we can’t let her walk away with total strangers.

Once, after one of the episodes where she’d wanted to go off with a new friend to another part of the playground and we’d already set up our picnic spot which was too far away from where she’d wanted to go, I’d told her in resignation that I was her mom and she had to listen to me rather than her new friend.

I’d been iffy about saying that but I’d big fat said it anyway. After the sobbing had subsided and the tantrum whittled down to a few dramatic grunts and sniffs, I’d said that I was glad she had made a friend but that we did not know the girl’s parents and that no matter what her new friend had said about it being okay to go with her (I’d been a little cheesed off how that little twit had kept insisting that Rae could go with her, making matters worse) that because she was my daughter and to keep her safe, she had to listen to me. 

Seriously, I want to build a relationship with my girls that’s fun and resilient enough to “compete” with the friendships she will form in the future. I know I’ll probably fail in the “fun” part (I’m not getting pregnant together with her for comradeship, WTF) but I can’t in the “resilient, so I have to wonder: Should I tell them that where we come from, honoring thy parents and elders with obedience is a cornerstone of our upbringing? Is that enough here in America? Probably not. And surely we don’t want blind obedience. Or do we? 

I remember my dad telling me once that the day will come when our kids will appreciate and trust their friends more than their own parents. I dread to think that the day has come.

I dread to think what my girls will do to belong to the group of friends they’ve decided they want to be a part of, and the kind of ideas they will come up with to define their sense of self and identity.

I dread to think that one day, they will turn around and tell me that “where we come from” doesn’t matter anymore because we’re here now, where you get a divorce because being married gives you mental disease, and you can beat up your friends for a few laughs on Youtube, and you can get pregnant with a homeless guy because it’s like babysitting but, like, for your OWN baby and for, like, no money for, like, forever.

Oh, my head. 

Read more of Jennifer Tai’s writing at The I’mPerfect Mom.  If you have questions, anecdotes, or topics for Tea Leaf Journals, email jenn[at]theimperfectmom[dot]com.

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