Crazy Much

Doing Time with My Kids

When the daily realities of living with small children starts eating away at my sense of autonomy and satisfaction, and the days start feeling like a jail sentence, it’s a major sign that it’s time for me to re-evaluate, re-strategize, and recharge.

Re-evaluating means my husband and I add up time, money, who works when, school options (for the kids), and more. For a variety of reasons, we’ve recommitted to me being home full-time right now.

Re-strategizing usually means I remember all those things I’ve fallen out of the habit of: getting outside every day, showing respect for my children, spending time with other families and kids.

Recharging usually means spending time with friends, meditating, being with my husband, and writing. I also try to do mini-recharges throughout the day.

Once I’ve gotten back into the groove, I set out to recharge my two kiddos (who are almost-five and twenty months).

Here are some of things I do to fill up their love cups…

Cuddle Time
A few months ago, I realized that I was never playing with my kids.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think I should spend all day playing with my kids, and I would read books, cook, make play-dough, garden with them, etc., but still, my son would wail, “Mama! Play with me!”

So I decided I would give the kids at least a half hour of my undivided attention after breakfast clean-up (in the secret hope that this would take off some of the heat throughout the day).

And oh boy, my oldest (Orlando) is not about to give this up anytime soon. He dubbed it Cuddle Time and it has a permanent slot on the calendar.

As much as I struggle to become enthused about playing monsters, airplanes, robots, creatures, monsters, and monsters, I’ve learned that Orlando’s imaginative play is his way of talking and working through his thoughts, experiences, and feelings. By letting him lead the play, I’m able to learn (and influence) much about him.

I’m keeping Cuddle Time on my calendar, too.

(For a great read about how and why to play with kids, check out the book Playful Parenting).

Trading Time
This one is simply “give a little, get a little.” While I don’t give the undivided attention I give during Cuddle Time, I try to acknowledge when things have been on my terms for a while and make the switch to doing something kid-focused.

Also, whenever one of us (but not the other) wants an activity to end, I’ve started suggesting we set a timer. As in, “Mama is going to blog, I mean, cook for fifteen more minutes and when the timer goes off, we will go to the library.”

Somehow, the impartiality of the timer helps; plus, it’s a concrete representation of time for a kid who doesn’t yet read a clock.

Time-in
This is a replacement for time-out, and we use it as opportunity to get connected or centered after a conflict, upset, or when Orlando needs my guidance (e.g., he is having trouble sharing or sitting still).

The main thing about time-in is that it is an energy thing. If I take the time to chill a little bit and don’t put all my focus on correcting Orlando’s behavior, I usually have much greater luck getting through to and connecting with him; and he has an easier time resetting to his own center (and thus “behaving”).

For more information about time-in, I would highly recommend Scott Noelle’s short four-part online series. I can’t do the topic justice here, and he really covers it all.

In-Touch Time
We have two versions of this, the mellow Tree Massage and the uplifting Fill You Up.

For the Tree Massage, Orlando lies on his stomach, usually across my lap, and I start “drawing” a tree on his back with my hands.* He likes to pick the type of tree.

The trunk starts at his sit-bone and goes up his spine, the branches spread over his shoulders blades, and the branches are dotted with fruit. To make it even more grounding, I draw roots down his legs to his feet.

For Fill You Up, either kid lies down on his back and I start at his toes, squeezing/rubbing his feet, legs, etc., all the way up to his head while telling him, “I am filling you up with love!” Both of my kids love it.

The thing I try to remember about love is that when I give it — wholly, fully give it — even just the tiniest bit of it, it does come back to me.

I have chosen to be home full-time with my kids, and each time I actively choose to do time with them rather than slog through it, we not only shave a little bit of time off our sentences, we escape jail altogether.

* Thanks to my brother, Ralph, for the tree massage idea!

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Read more of Stacy’s writing at Mama-Om. If you have questions, anecdotes, or topics for “Crazy Much?” email stacy [@] seattlemomblogs [dot] com. I’d love to hear from you!

All the photos in this post are by me, Stacy Lewis.