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And Then There Were Three

Up ’til now I’ve pretty much only shared the fact that we are adopting an older child from foster care, but not much more beyond that. I had a curious reader ask me for more specifics: What age range? What gender? What race?

Well from the get-go we knew we wanted to adopt siblings. It’s harder to find families to adopt groups of siblings; most people, understandably, only want to take on one child at a time. We don’t have any kids, though, and we’re a bit older, financially secure and have a solid relationship. Why not take on more? After all, who wants to go through this entire process a second time?! And at the same time, we can feel good about giving a home to children who might otherwise not get chosen.

At first we thought we’d look at groups of two and three, but our social worker suggested that since we are first-time parents that we might want to stick to just two. So we took her advice and have been focusing on sibling pairs.

Gender? We really want to experience raising kids of both sexes. Since we can choose, why not? I grew up in a home with all girls, and always wanted a brother. (According to my parents, being the 3rd kid I was their last ditch hope for a boy – oh well.) A brother never happened so I’d really like to experience having a boy running around the house. As for the girl, what can I say? Being a woman I’d like to have a girl to share those girly experiences with. (No need to worry, I won’t dress us in matching outfits. I’m not that girly.)

Race? No preference. A child is a child and we know we’ll have no trouble being able to love a child of another race. Cultural background? Religious background? We are very open people and also have no preference for these either. We will love our children for who they are, unconditionally, and will nurture their individuality.

Our age range is 3 – 10. After The Great Diaper Debacle of 2008 I realize a 3-year old is pushing it, so I’m secretly hoping we won’t end up with a kid that young. Ideally our age range would actually be 5 – 8, but the smaller we make our range the harder it will be to find a match. In the end what matters more than anything is that the children are a good fit for us so we can be the best parents we can be for them. So if we end up with a 3-year old I’ll deal with the possibility of potty issues. Maybe I’ll just need to keep a bucket handy while I change a diaper or wipe a bootie. Ewww.

So we’re set, right? Our agency knows our preferences and started searching on our behalf. We began scouring the online photo listings looking for our future kids. But we kept seeing groups of three. The bigger the group the harder it is to find families willing to adopt them. Is three really too much? Well sure, it probably is for anyone, but could we do it? And more importantly, do we want to do it?

As Bill and I discussed it he said something that really touched me. “I feel like it’s our calling; to adopt the kids that no one wants to adopt.” I feel exactly the same way. We are realistic, though, and know we have limits. There are certain special needs we just can’t take on. But if sibling sets of three are hard to place, then we’re willing to step up to the plate for those kids. That’s something we feel we can do. So we talked to our agency and widened our search.

I told another writer pal (Janna over at Moms Like Sex Too) about us considering sibling groups of three. Just about every person we’ve told looks at us with wide, disbelieving eyes and a look on their face that says, Are you insane? Janna was no exception. “You probably think we’re crazy, right?” I said, expecting her to be polite and tell me we’re not.

Instead, she surprised me. “Oh, you are crazy,” she said assuredly. “But that just means you’re exactly the right people to do it.”

She has a point.

I don’t think it’s the fact that we are considering three kids that freaks people out, but the fact that we would be adopting all three at once. Yes I know it’s a little crazy. Maybe a lot crazy. Maybe we are, in fact, insane. But when I picture our future family I don’t see one kid sitting with us at the dinner table, I see many. Maybe even more than three. (Oh don’t worry. We won’t take on more than three at once. We’re crazy, but not that crazy.) Maybe after this first round we will adopt again. I don’t know. Only time will tell what the future holds. But for right now, at this time in our lives, this feels right. Maybe Janna is right. The fact that we’re crazy enough to even consider it just might mean we should.

And who knows. Just because we widened our search to include groups of three doesn’t mean the children we are matched with will be three siblings. We might get chosen for a set of two. But part of me is really hoping for three. What can I say? Call me crazy.

This entry also posted with the Seattle PI.
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In addition to being a writer and aspiring mom, Susan Metters also carries the distinguished title of Cancer Survivor Extraordinaire. Some of her secret ambitions include meeting Dr. Phil, hosting Saturday Night Live, and rising to the top as a rock star. You can read more about Susan’s life adventures by visiting her blog with the Seattle P.I., Lemon Margaritas. If you have ideas, questions, rants, or ramblings feel free to email susan [at] seattlemomblogs [dot] com.