On Blogging
That’s me in the spotlight losing my religion (Alternate title: I went to BlogHer and almost decided to quit blogging)
Every year after BlogHer, two or three big-name bloggers and a whole bunch of not-so-big (but every bit as important) bloggers throw in the towel and quietly slip away into the obscurity of real life.
The rest of us bloggers howl in surprise, throw our hands in the air and gasp CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?! while deep down inside we’re wondering if next year that will be us.
This year, amidst the chaotic BlogHer swagalicious love fest, I finally got it.
I was standing in a steaming hot shower washing off a long day’s small talk and big talk and party talk when the waters seemed to part and one thought stood clear in my mind.
I need to stop blogging.
In that moment, I saw my life as it is now, and I saw it as it could be without the blog.
And, in that moment, the sans-blog life looked pretty darn good.
For the first time I honestly acknowledged the toll that blogging takes on my time, my energy, my relationships, my LIFE.
But let’s be honest with each other here; this WASN’T the first time I realized the toll that blogging takes on my time, energy, and relationships. Right? Right.
No, the difference this night is that before I always thought it was worth it. In this moment, I realize that it isn’t.
Something about being at BlogHer made me see with frightening clarity how CAUGHT UP we all have become in what too often amounts to a massive popularity contest… an ultimate expression of selfishness and egomania.
“LOOK AT ME” each woman seems to shout, “I AM IMPORTANT!”
And while I believe from the bottom of my heart that every woman is important, I also believe that this realization is the beginning, not the end of our journey.
Reveling in our self-importance, our uniqueness, our specialness… stopping here is not a good thing.
Rather we should claim our importance and then move forward to do something important with our lives. To make a difference in the lives around us… to make our short time here meaningful.
The thing that scares me the most about blogging is that something so shallow should take up so much of my precious time.
I count myself lucky that I had this realization while in SF, because I was able to have real conversations with a handful of friends, most of whom have blogged much longer than I have. All expressed similar fears and concerns. One has since stopped blogging. Another has published her intent to back off.
And me?
I’m torn.
On one hand, I think that my in-the-shower moment was probably dead on. That I need to move on with my life.
On the other hand, I feel that maybe I can transform the role that blogging plays in my life to something better. Something enriching.
Because the truth is, there is a part of blogging that is good for me. The writing. The creativity. The introspection.
Is it possible to harness the good and minimize the bad?
I want to believe that what I need is a readjustment… a visit to the great bloggy chiropractor, if you will. So I’m on a mission to do just that. To find balance.
Over the next few weeks, I plan to do some posts here on steps that I’m taking to get myself readjusted… closer to where I want to be; to a place where blogging is contributing positively to my life.
But for now I want to hear from you. Where do you stand on this issue? Have you ever considered giving up blogging? And what are your biggest struggles in the blog/life balance?
© Jenny Blackburn. All Rights Reserved.
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It’s not even about finding a balance for me anymore with blogging. It’s about making the medium serve me rather than me serving the medium and it’s really hard to do.
I’ve only just begun writing, and that’s what it feels like for me, writing. Yeah, I’m writing about my own life, but aren’t you supposed to write what you know? Plus, I think about the blogs that I’ve read that have made me laugh and cry and think about things a little differently, and I think that’s important. If I can do even part of that for one person, I’ll feel like I’ve accomplished something. Having said all of that, again, I’m SUPER new, so who knows what I’ll feel like next year.
good luck!
xo
b.
It is easy to have it be a time-suck, visiting other blogs, “meeting” people, joining communities, oh and writing.
As I focus more on “real” writing in the coming months, I’ll be interested to see how I feel about the blogging. I may join your “readjustment.”
When I start to think about giving it up, I go through my archives. Then I see all the little things that I would have completly forgotten about if I hadn’t taken the time to blog it. (Then of course I want to kick myself for all the times I’ve been in a “slump” like I’ve been lately)
I think the thing is to concentrate on writing for yourself instead of for the community at large…I know, easier said than done. sigh…
I’ve never really considered stopping my blog completely, because my blog is my chosen method of recording things I want to remember. Whenever that vision gets cloudy, I take a mini-vacation to re-evaluate and prioritize. But then, I’m not going to win any popularity contests, and that’s totally okay with me.
I’m so glad we got to hash it all out verbally and that my bloglife led me to you in real life. Because THAT for me, is the reason to blog. Finding real people and real relationships and having playdates? People who I might never have known? That’s what will keep me from leaving all together. Because just in the past year I found two amazing people that I get to see more often now. (Ahem.. when ARE you coming over to swim?) and I don’t know who I’ll meet next.
That said? I’m totally (stalking) checking back on the balance idea. Must. Find. Balance. :0)
Honestly? The comments and the (teeny!) ad checks and the community are all super fun, but really just a bonus. I think it was probably two years before anyone besides my mother read my website. I didn’t expect much starting out and I’m still sort of surprised anyone is reading. As much as I’d like everyone to think I’m an amazing writer, blogging is just a place to put the words spinning around my head- writing in journals takes too long. I love recording my Way Boring Life online. I’ve backed it all up and thank goodness, because it’s not like I’m writing anything in my kid’s baby book. But yes- I spend waaaaay too much time online!
This is a fascinating topic and clearly you hit a nerve. I think that any of us who blog regularly feel that weight: the pressure of “what if” we weren’t…what else could we be doing with all this time? I mean, it’s almost 11PM on a Sunday night, and here I am…
Like you, I waver and remain undecided on what’s the best course of action. However, I also think that we could easily spend that time on something else that we’d eventually consider a drag on our time. So is the devil we know better than the devil we don’t?
Uh, bingo!
I’ve been having… uh, somewhat of a writing block. But really, I’m working on my writing for other mediums and just not posting on my blog. And in some ways, that is EXACTLY why I started my blog.
I had just had baby #2 and had quit my writing group that met every Saturday for a few hours. Blogging was a way for me to say, “Hey! Look at me. I’m writing! Really, truly writing!” And it was something I could do on my time/terms.
It’s been fun for me over the last year to learn more about the medium of blogging and to meet other bloggers (online and in real life), but mostly I am just grateful that I have recorded things about my kids and that I’ve been able to use that content and turn it into something for another medium (magazines and anthologies).
I haven’t gotten anything published (yet!) but the writing exercises have been really valuable, and I’ve learned a lot about writing itself.
The feedback and connection I’ve received from readers has also been really valuable in making me feel confident about my writing. Hey, they like me! I’m “legit.”
Anyway, I, too, have recently developed clarity about finding a balance in blogging… yet somehow I am still unable to write a comment shorter than the post I am commenting on.
So far it really hasnt become a problem for me, but my blog is still more of an online diary than anything else. I like knowing that a few people are out there reading, and love to get comments, but I truly blog for me, as a way to gather my thoughts and keep from having my brain explode all over my husband at the dinner table.
Hell if I know. I think about quitting on a weekly basis!
However, I am not there yet. I love it too much, even when it isn’t a good time (like now. Now is not a good time for me bloggity wise)
I deleted the reader, we’ll see what that does. I’m loving it but also feeling a wee bit lost.
I LOVED our conversation at BlogHer it was one of the top 5 moments I had there. I got to have a real, meaty, wonderful interaction with a fabulous person and I loved it.
I would miss those moments if I walked away. :S
I think with all things, you NEED to find the balance. Sometimes it’s easy, sometimes . . . not so much.
When I look through the past, I know exactly what was going on in our lives based on the posts I wrote and for me, that is invaluable.
I’ll still blog when it isn’t ‘cool’ anymore, I’ll still blog when others have moved on . . . it’s way easier than journaling and I was blogging before there was blogging anyway - just didn’t share it.
But yes, BALANCE is key to everything, I think. And a little tune-up from time to time is good for EVERYONE.
Great post.
Also - it is easy to get caught up in all the social networking sights and I had to tune-up myself on that definitely! Other than the SMB, which are real people that I’ll connect with in real life, it just isn’t worth it, timewise, for me. No Twitter, No Buzz, No Plurk, etc. I just don’t have time.
Your post was a particularly timely one for me.
I have been blogging for most of this year as well as maintaining a fairly healthy flickr site with a focus on wardrobe_remix. During this time, all the issues that I originally confronted in the Playground in Kindergarten came into play - desire for popularity, shame, resentment, envy, exclusion & my personal favourite, Abandonment. Even though it was uncomfortable, I decided to keep going, just to see what might happen.
After some months, I began to enjoy it more. I loved airing my voice & creating characters & stories from my life as well as showcasing my artwork. I looked forward to the mostly encouraging comments. My partner, Mr. Middleaged, became a visible presence in the blog & I was surprised at how easily & seamlessly this happened.
But then, less than two weeks ago, he dumped me after fourteen years. We are both 55.
One of the first things I found myself thinking after this happened was, ‘Oh no, I can’t do the blog again because I’ll now be too busy lying on the floor like the Hapless Victim I’ve always been’.
But after a few days I discovered that the floor was really uncomfortable & it desperately needed vacuuming. It was far easier to get up & get on with it. I really wasn’t a Victim after all.
After much thought I decided to continue the blog on my terms.I wanted to tell the truth about my life without Oversharing.
Last night, I posted my first Post-Dumping Blog entry. I called it ‘The Dumped Doll’. It felt great.
I think we need to go out to lunch and talk about this. Week after next is my first anniversary-when I started, I told myself I would try to write 5x a week and reevaluate at the end of one year. Well, I’m almost there, so I have been doing some serious soul searching. Great post, J. I hope, whatever you decide, that you keep writing. You are so talented.
Hello - first time visitor here.
My husband (the geek), to rescue me from my addiction, recently did something to my internet connection so that I can only get online for a few hours each day. That’s just long enough to check my email, read my rss feeds and write a blog post if the inspiration is there. I thought I’d miss my 24-hour access but I don’t at all. And it has made me a more thoughtful blogger. I write FAR less crap than I used to.
I highly recommend the limited access solution as a first step. Good luck.
I have been in a blogging slump this summer, and just haven’t felt very motivated to write, but felt like I HAD to, or should, to keep my blog growing.
I always have to remind myself why I started my blog in the first place, and that was to have a place where I could record the daily events that happened with my boys. It wasn’t to grow a blog.
When I think of it in those terms, it helps me. Funny, I was so afraid of losing readers if I didn’t blog as much, but the opposite seems to be true- the less I blog, the more readers I get. I suppose that is just karma telling me I am doing the right thing.
Even though I don’t blog as much as I used to, at least I know I am doing it for the reasons that are important to me, and not the superficial ones that you touch on.
Great post- thanks for writing it.
Mrs. G and Jenny… I want in on that lunch! And maybe it should be dinner. And drinks.
BTW, Jenny, you inspired me to write a post about my own recent lack of posts…
Balancing a Blog on Your Nose While Standing on One Foot
I’ve been feeling the same way lately. Somewhere a long the way I lost the reason I started blogging somewhere a long the way. In fact I can’t even remember what it was anymore.
Great post! I feel so much blog guilt when I don’t blog, but I enjoy the personal benefits too much to give it up completely. To help me, I have quit looking at any blog stats. I am blogging for MYSELF. If others enjoy it also, that’s great. But I refuse to get caught up in the competition. And when PR people want me to review things or do this or do that, then they just have to be patient. My life is more important than their product. I’ll respond to their email next week or next month…
Again, great post! I’m going to link to you instead of writing a real post. Lessens my guilt. LOL
Good post, but I guess I don’t feel the same way. I write for a living, but currently it’s not about anything very exciting (heavy-duty trucks), so my blog is a way for me to write something more creative and fun. It truly is an online journal for me. I have a hard time writing in a journal with a pen or pencil. Anyway, I started Sanity Department in the midst of pregnancy to help me deal with my emotions. It’s been a blessing to be able to write what I’m feeling and then hear from others who are/have experiencing/experienced the same things. Maybe it will get out of control in the future, but for now I’m loving it.