Double Duty. One Paycheck.
Why must my Seattle commute hurt my heart?
My work day changed recently.
I used to pick up my two year old son from his downtown Seattle daycare and then we would ride the Metro bus home together. This was our time together. He would sit on my lap and tell me about his day. He would tell me what he ate for breakfast and lunch. He would tell me about the library visit, or “Singing Time with Brian”, or what he did out on the playground. Sometimes, if I was lucky, he would even sing “The Wheels on the Bus” to me and the rest of the commuters. (It must be noted that often the commuters did not appreciate this and would move away from us. Oh well, their loss.) My Sweet Babboo and I had this forced alone time each day. There was no dinner to prepare, phone to answer or bathrooms to clean. It was just he and I. And I loved it.
Last week he started at a new daycare. This one isn’t in downtown Seattle, instead it’s closer to our home. It’s a good daycare full of energetic kids and innovative teachers. It’s entwined in our community and 50% cheaper then the downtown daycare. But there is no bus ride home, together, from this daycare. Instead I ride the bus alone and then drive the car to pick him up.
The first few days of the new commute I thought were great. Oh the reading I could do on the bus. I excitedly packed my book into my bag every morning and was giddy with anticipation of some reading time. I was able to finish a 700 page book last week. This is unheard of for me. Before, when I didn’t have time to read on the bus, it would have taken me months to finish a book of that size.
Babboo and I get home in the evening much later then before. This new commute just takes more time. It took a few days but eventually I realized that I missed having Babboo with me on the bus. I missed that physical interaction with him on my lap. I missed watching his face light up as he told me about his day. I missed watching the other bus riders telling me what a cute kid I had and being able to gush about him.
We get home a little later now. I quickly start to prepare dinner while returning missed phone calls and throwing the wash into the dryer. Babboo usually goes into the office to play with his toys while I’m running around like a mad man. Sometimes we’ll sit together on the couch, him playing with his blocks while I do a Soduko puzzle. But mostly life just goes one.
I miss my kid.
I decided I needed to try to get back some of our old one-on-one interaction. We have a car ride now that we didn’t have before. During this ride I have recently forced myself to turn the radio off and ask Babboo questions about his day, just like we used to do on the bus. We are both still trying to learn all the other student’s names and figure out their food menu and teaching schedule. So having these few minutes to just talk is good.
It’s still not the same as riding the bus together. Babboo’s not sitting on my lap. He isn’t touching my face while he tells me he loves me. Sure I can watch his facial expression in the rear-view mirror. But let’s be honest, that isn’t the same. (Nor is it very safe.) We aren’t walking home from the bus stop together anymore and checking out which neighbors have wind chimes (the kid is totally fascinated with wind chimes) and which neighbors have “ding-dongs” (also fascinated with door bells).
This is how it’s going to be now. I need to just make the needed adjustments and get used to it. Just because it’s different doesn’t mean it’s bad.
So tell me, what is your commute like? And if you have kids, how do they factor into your commute? I’d love to hear what works for you!
Isabel is a pseudonym for this Seattle-based blogger. She’s been working since the day she realized soda and lip gloss weren’t free. Isabel became a mom in 2006 and continues to work full time, outside the home, since diapers and mortgages aren’t free either. You can read far too much about her personal life at hola, isabel.
If you have questions, anecdotes, or topics for “Double duty. One paycheck.”, email Isabel at holaisabel [at] gmail.com.
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Although our daughter was always in daycares close to home, at one point I had a long commute as well. I ended up changing jobs and taking a cut in pay in order to be able to see more of my child. That’s where I’m still coming from.
She’s in 4th grade now, and since kindergarten I’ve been able to drop her off and pick her up from school. She takes the bus this year, but I’m able to wait with her and for her, but most importantly, pick her up mid-day if she falls ill, as she did last week.
It’s not something I envisioned myself doing, but I couldn’t take the 10 hours a day away from her-not because I missed her so much, but because I wasn’t THERE.
In another year or so she’ll hardly need me at all compared to those kindy days when I changed my life and maybe I’ll make another change in the work situation. I’m glad I was able to do what I do-if my husband didn’t have a great job, I certainly couldn’t.
So that’s my story. I hope your new schedule eventually feels comfortable for you.
Hi — I just wanted to say that this post really touched me. I hope you and your son find a new rhythm soon!
Blessings,
Stacy
In February, my office moved from Fremont to Downtown and my commute went from a predictable 15min to an unpreditable 25-45min. It added a new level of stress and took away from time with the kids. I was fined by daycare a few times for being late until I decided to leave earlier and work fewer hours in the office. In some ways it has made my job less rewarding but in another way, it solidified my priorities.
I hear you on your situation. I would encourage you to start a new routine where you take the first 5-15 minutes home to catch up on Babboo’s day without distractions.
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When my daughter was in daycare I dropped her off and picked her up everyday, except the occasion evening I had a meeting for work. Now she is in Preschool, and in order to not have to pay for the before or after school playschool my husband now drops her off and picks her up everyday. I really miss that commute. It was very short, maybe 10 minute drive, but that time with her was awesome. Her day was fresh in her mind, now when I get home it is 2 hours old and she wants dinner, not a quiz about her day! I did the same as you when I was driving, I often had the radio off and we talked about the sites on the way, and the cars, and the mountains, and the clouds. Often we had the same conversations on the way home, and we talked about her day. Okay, I rambled in my comment, but I just wanted to say I totally know how you are feeling!
You raise some great points about how difficult it can be to carve out special time to spend with our children. Your bus commute with your son sounded ideal!
I adjusted my work schedule over the years so I could be home early enough to drive my daughter to her gymnastics practices. Since the drive is right after school, it’s the perfect time to catch up with each other. She recently turned 16 and soon will be able to drive herself. I know I’m going to miss our commuting time together!
I recently started a new schedule. I now get up at 5 (or so) and am out of the house by 6:20 to catch a 6:38 bus. It’s ridiculously early but it allows me more evening time with my kiddos. I’ve taken to calling my commute my “me time”. It’s the only time I get to read anymore. In the evenings I take the Sounder. It’s a 20 minute ride and I love that it gives me more time at home and I don’t feel so rushed to do everything.
I wish you the best with your new arrangement !